Garfield’s Halloween Adventure  (Seen here, here and here)

I don’t have the strongest constitution for scary movies, but I’ve seen the Exorcist and gone “meh”.  *THIS* show scares the ever lovin crap out of me.  I hope I don’t have to get up tonight.  I don’t know which I’ll be more scared of–ghost pirates or *shudders* that old man’s voice following me around the apartment tonight.  Good lord, what adults do to kids!  I thought there was a higher calling for adults to try to make things better for their progeny, not emotionally and mentally scaring them for life!!  What the hell were my parents thinking showing me this show!?

Mom (Or Dad):  “Oh!  Watch it honey, it’s Garfield.  You like Garfield, don’t you?”

Me (At 5 or 6):  “Actually, the first couple I thought were funny but the past couple of years it’s pretty obvious that he’s phoning it in.”

Mom: “And Odie!  You like Odie?”

Me *smiling broadly*:  “Yes.  I LOVE Odie!  Oh.  They’re sitting by the fire getting warm and cozy.  That’s cut….OH MY GOD!!!!!!   Who is THAT?  WHO IS THAT????”

Mom: “It’s ok, sweetheart.  It’s just an old man.”

Me:  “It’s not an old man!  He has a green face!!!!  Grandpa is old.  He doesn’t have a green face!!  JESUS!!!  His voice!!!  That voice is Satan’s voice!!  What is WRONG with you??!?!?

(10 minutes later after being forced to sit and watch this like Alex in A Clockwork Orange)

Mom: “You’re just being silly.”

Me: “….whatever.  At least now he’s gone.  WHERE DID THAT SHIP COME FROM?!?!?  Run Odie!  RUN!  Ok.  They’re safe.  They’re hiding in the cabinet.  The pirate ghosts didn’t see them.  They’ll be fine….[something incoherent, screaming like a girl, running from the room.]”

(In the interest of full disclosure, my parents are wonderful people.  They did not pin me down and force me to watch it.  This is some freakish fear that has manifested itself in adult life and I felt the dialog was sufficiently humorous to post.  Happy Birthday, Dad.)

It would appear that President Bush actually managed to fulfill one of his campaign promises and one of the main reasons I voted for the man 8 years ago…he’s changed the tone in Washington.

• What happened to these poor people that work in investment banking?  I’m not talking about the fact that they now don’t have jobs, I’m talking about why they took the jobs at all?  Besides Alex P. Keaton, who on earth grew up wanting to be a financier?  What do these people do all day?  They take money that other people worked hard to make, and they make *more* money, seemingly out of thin air.  And you know what?  The only way they are able to do that well is through criminal activity.
• It’s amazing how much comedians can be on the mark.  Lewis Black once wrote: “If a company can’t say in one sentence what it does, it’s illegal.”  Let’s look at AIG as a case study.  “AIG sells insurance.”  That was easy.  “AIG sells insurance,  and then to further extend profits, we take the money from premiums and reinvest them in complex investment engines to increase profits and reduce principles that people pay.”  We now have a problem.
• How are these CEOs walking away with millions while their companies are tanking?  I think CEOs are entitled to huge amounts of money–over time.  They don’t get signing bonuses.  They don’t get millions in stock options/salary per year.  They get a predefined amount of stock from the contract and a reasonable living stipend.  During some negotiated window, they cannot sell stock.  Once that time is up, they are allowed.  That way, they need to think long(er) term, depending on the length of the contract.  No more situations where there’s a CEO there for a year, tank the company, and then leave with 50 million.  This way CEOs are able to make their fortunes but they have to do it by doing something meaningful with the companies they work for.

</rant>

http://sentientsearch.net/2008/05/05/oh-dear/

Well…some of the points he mentions are good and I happen to agree with the spirit of them.  However, it’s always good to know when, as far as how search will progress and what the next step was for Google and optimizing search….  HAHA!!!  I’m right and you’re wrong!!!  Ha HaHa Ha HA HA!!!

http://www.techcrunch.com/2008/07/14/google-bucket-testing-new-digg-like-search-interface/

Not entirely what I was advocating but definitely a way of improving search results by group consensus rather than just having an algorithm run and spit out results.

Now, my good geek friends, I know that you are socially inadequate and are incapable of communicating effectively to people who don’t measure up to your high standards so please allow me to give you a couple of simple list of things you can do to improve your forum posts.  All of these pretty much boil down to the first rule:

1.  Your response to a question should first and foremost include a) an answer, b) a request for more information.  If you chose to add additional content for context or clarification, that’s fine.  But your response should be guiding the person in the right direction.

All of the other rules sort of feed back into this one.

2.  Do not sagefully suggest an alternative solution:  say none of the following:  “Don’t do it that way.  Do it this way.”, “That’s a stupid way of doing it.”  “It’s too hard to do it this way.  Try it this way.”  You have no, did you hear me?  NO way of knowing why the person is asking the question.  Maybe they’re using a design approach that requires the path they’re taking.  Maybe it’s an intellectual exercise for them.  Maybe they’re a schizophrenic, homicidal programmer and the voices are telling him to write their program a certain way.  Do you really want this guy hunting you down because you think they should use a for loop instead of a while loop?

3.  Do not take a person’s question as an opportunity to begin a flame war.  The person is not asking for your diatribe on the evils of using lambda instead of defining all your functions in Python.  The person is not asking for other posters to chime in on why lambdas are good.  This person has a 5:00 deadline and is needing to know or he could lose the contract, his job, and his house.

4.  Theory is great.  I love the back story of things.  However, it goes *after* you answer the question.

5.  Hey, Nurse Ratched!  Yeah, you!  Posting in the wrong folder on a forum, despite what you may believe, is NOT the end of the world.  The post is not McMurphy.  They’re lost.  They’re coming for guidance.  In this Web 2.0 world, everything is sort of uncategorized anyways.  Everything is “tagged”.  We’ll find it.  If there is a strong need to maintain a organized forum, follow rule 1 (answer the question) and then after that, remind tell the person where to post questions like that in the future.

I hope this has helped the trolls among you whose only joy in life is being a bully and a hotshot in cyberspace.  I’ve seen enough of you all and, frankly, am not nearly as impressed with you as you think I should be.

Here’s my list of top 5 routines by George Carlin–if you haven’t seen his stand up routine, google these or find a YouTube video of them and be ready to laugh.

5–Seven Words You Can’t Say on Television–I never found it to be his funniest stuff but its the one that started it all and for that reason alone it needs to be on the list.  His suggestion of juxtaposing the F-word with the word “kill” in movies makes for some pretty hillarious dialog.

4–Cars and Driving–George drives kind of recklessly, he doesn’t repair his vehicle and he doesn’t believe in traffic laws.  Just like any driver you’d meet on the Capital Beltway.  This is one of those routines from “What am I Doing in New Jersey?” where you realize that George is one of us.  I realized this when he says “Do you ever get so f’in mad that all you want to do is drive up along side this car just to see what the f*#k he looks like?!”

3–The Ten Commandments–From “Complaints and Grievances”.  I think this is George’s last great routines.  In 10 minutes takes the 10 Commandments and turns them on their head, reducing them down to two somewhat nebulous and flexible rules and the logic he uses to break them down is either so funny, true, or insightful that you have to agree with him.

2–Baseball and Football–One of my all time favorites.  George compares and contrasts the two sports and you kinda get the idea that ol’ George is kind of partial towards one by the end of the routine.

1–Al Sleet your Hippy Dippy Weatherman–Comedic gold.  This is what I’m saying about George.  I understand that he went counter culture and his persona was to be edgy but this routine shows just how funny he could be with out uttering even one of those seven words you can’t say on television:

• “Tonight’s forecast–dark.”
• “The radar is picking up a line of thunderstorms…….however the radar is also picking up a squadron of Russian ICBMs, so I wouldn’t sweat the thundershowers.”
• Al’s final forecast:  “The weather will continue to change on and off for a long, long time.”

Joe Bless Al Sleet and Joe Bless George Carlin.